“I think if I've learned anything about friendship, it's to hang in, stay connected, fight for them, and let them fight for you. Don't walk away, don't be distracted, don't be too busy or tired, don't take them for granted. Friends are part of the glue that holds life and faith together. Powerful stuff.”
― Jon Katz
PSALM 119:105-176
145I call with all my heart; answer me, Lord,
and I will obey your decrees.
146I call out to you; save me
and I will keep your statutes.
147I rise before dawn and cry for help;
I have put my hope in your word.
148My eyes stay open through the watches of the night,
that I may meditate on your promises.
149Hear my voice in accordance with your love;
preserve my life, Lord, according to your laws.
150Those who devise wicked schemes are near,
but they are far from your law.
151Yet you are near, Lord,
and all your commands are true.
152Long ago I learned from your statutes
that you established them to last forever.
1 CORINTHIANS 5
6Your boasting is not good. Don’t you know that a little yeast leavens the whole batch of dough? 7Get rid of the old yeast, so that you may be a new unleavened batch—as you really are. For Christ, our Passover lamb, has been sacrificed. 8Therefore let us keep the Festival, not with the old bread leavened with malice and wickedness, but with the unleavened bread of sincerity and truth.
There is something revealing about seeing arrogance or desperation in another person. I don't mean that judgmentally, because I recognize both in myself. But when I see someone desperately seeking approval, demanding recognition, manipulating circumstances or trying to convince everyone of their importance, it reminds me how exhausting and ultimately futile that pursuit really is. Arrogance and desperation can look completely different on the outside, but I wonder if they don't often come from the same place: the need to be accepted, valued and loved.JOURNAL
Maybe that is one of the reasons God is so insistent that I receive those things from Him first. "Yet you are near, Lord." I don't have to convince God of my value. I don't have to perform for Him, manipulate Him or somehow become impressive enough to earn His attention. Through Christ, I am already loved and accepted. The question is whether I can actually receive that and allow it to become enough.
Because when I don't, I inevitably start looking for acceptance somewhere else. I want people to notice what I do. I want appreciation. I want affirmation. And when I don't get it, frustration can turn into resentment, insecurity or even arrogance. I can begin trying to manufacture from other people something they were never capable of permanently giving me.
But if I can receive my acceptance from God, something changes. I no longer have to enter relationships asking, consciously or unconsciously, "What can you give me?" Instead, I can begin asking, "What can I give you?" I can encourage without needing encouragement returned. I can love without controlling the response. I can celebrate someone else's success without feeling diminished by it. I can tell a friend the truth without worrying that honesty will cost me their approval.
Maybe that is what makes real friendship, marriage and family so powerful and also so difficult. Jon Katz says to "hang in, stay connected, fight for them, and let them fight for you." That requires people who aren't constantly keeping score. It requires enough security to be honest, enough humility to receive correction and enough love to remain when things get messy.
Paul's warning about "a little yeast" reminds me that insecurity, pride, resentment and dishonesty don't stay contained. They work their way into everything. The answer isn't pretending they aren't there. It is returning to sincerity and truth, first about myself and then with the people I love.
Perhaps this is another part of surrender. Stop trying to extract from other people what God has already offered freely. Receive His love. Receive His acceptance. Receive the truth that I am His. Then walk into the world from fullness rather than desperation. A friend loves at all times. Maybe I become capable of loving that way only when I finally understand that I am already loved that way. And when I don't need everyone around me to prove that I matter, I become much freer to show them how much they matter.
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