AUGUST 22, 2018

“Believe in a love that is being stored up for you like an inheritance, and have faith that in this love there is a strength and a blessing so large that you can travel as far as you wish without having to step outside it.” 
― Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

PSALM 119:49-104

89Your word, Lord, is eternal;

it stands firm in the heavens.

90Your faithfulness continues through all generations;

you established the earth, and it endures.

91Your laws endure to this day,

for all things serve you.

92If your law had not been my delight,

I would have perished in my affliction.

1 CORINTHIANS 4

 11To this very hour we go hungry and thirsty, we are in rags, we are brutally treated, we are homeless. 12We work hard with our own hands. When we are cursed, we bless; when we are persecuted, we endure it; 13when we are slandered, we answer kindly. We have become the scum of the earth, the garbage of the world—right up to this moment.

JOURNAL 

Wow!...Just wow. Just a year ago this was my Journal and to think of all that has happened in a year! God is faithful and he gave me insight into things I could not know....
"There are these certain moments when I feel God's presence so strong. As I think back it so often is in times when I need something extra...these last few weeks things have begun to mount in a way that have threatened to sour my heart and soul. I sit here with out definite answers to problems that seem daunting and yet on the way in to work I feel God speak to me through a song on the radio. The message is clear. "Don't fear, don't shrink back...I love you more than you can ever imagine. I am the God of the Universe and nothing escapes me. I have a plan for you and it is full of joy and triumph."

I don't know the details and when I look at the days before me it seems illogical yet something is alive within me that defies the odds. His presence is strong and it bolsters me to have courage and hope and faith.

When I look at the stories in the Bible I see the same thing...God showing up and defying the odds. I don't know the rest of my story or how today will work out, yet I know that I have a God that is not determined by the world's circumstances. Therefore I take hope and courage and believe that whatever comes he will give me the strength to conquer."

37No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,^k neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

ROMANS 8:37-39

AUGUST 21, 2018

“I asked her what was so scary about unmerited free grace? She replied something like this: "If I was saved by my good works -- then there would be a limit to what God could ask of me or put me through. I would be like a taxpayer with rights. I would have done my duty and now I would deserve a certain quality of life. But if it is really true that I am a sinner saved by sheer grace -- at God's infinite cost -- then there's nothing he cannot ask of me.” 
― Timothy Keller, The Prodigal God: Recovering the Heart of the Christian Faith

PSALM 119:1-48

33Teach me, Lord, the way of your decrees,

that I may follow it to the end.^b

34Give me understanding, so that I may keep your law

and obey it with all my heart.

35Direct me in the path of your commands,

for there I find delight.

36Turn my heart toward your statutes

and not toward selfish gain. 

1 CORINTHIANS 3

5What, after all, is Apollos? And what is Paul? Only servants, through whom you came to believe—as the Lord has assigned to each his task. 6I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God has been making it grow. 7So neither the one who plants nor the one who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow. 8The one who plants and the one who waters have one purpose, and they will each be rewarded according to their own labor.

JOURNAL 

Yesterday was a good day. However like a lot of days...when I look back on it the question I ask is what was accomplished? How did I live out my calling? Did I pursue God's mission for my life? Those are big hairy questions and I really don't like thinking on them or about them. Because it brings me to 3 basic questions: 1) Why am I here? 2) Where is my Hope? 3) What do I do? 

The answer from scripture is really not very complex...1) Because God created me 2) In the God who created me 3) Seek to obey him in every action and every moment.

Then why is it so hard? Why do I have such contrary and competing thoughts? Why am I not content to do this in every moment?

Then answer again from scripture is clear...Because we have rebelled from God, we have rejected God as God and either seek immortality in ourselves or in other people and things. Therefore our heart is divided and we battle this division every moment of every day. 

When I look and read and think on this it seems so simple. It seems that I could just keep this in my heart and I could live in contentment and peace all my days as I serve and obey God. Yet it just takes about 10 minutes and I will be venturing down my own path. 

It feels exhausting and hopeless, as if I will do nothing but fail and will never succeed in full obedience to God. Yet in these moments is where the power and beauty of scripture emerge...because God understands this, he forgives me time and time again. The beauty of the gospel is that it truly is all about grace and that every moment when I turn from him and go my own way...he is there patiently waiting to take me back. He is  the good father who will never reject me when I seek him. He will never turn me away when I turn back busted up and ragged and in pain. He knows, he understands and he paid the ultimate price to prove it.

“But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.

21“The son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’

22“But the father said to his servants, ‘Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. 23Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate. 24For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ So they began to celebrate.

 LUKE 15:20-24

AUGUST 20, 2018

“When anything in life is an absolute requirement for your happiness and self-worth, it is essentially an ‘idol,’ something you are actually worshiping. When such a thing is threatened, your anger is absolute. Your anger is actually the way the idol keeps you in its service, in its chains. Therefore if you find that, despite all the efforts to forgive, your anger and bitterness cannot subside, you may need to look deeper and ask, ‘What am I defending? What is so important that I cannot live without?’ It may be that, until some inordinate desire is identified and confronted, you will not be able to master your anger.” 
― Timothy Keller, Counterfeit Gods: The Empty Promises of Money, Sex, and Power, and the Only Hope that Matters

PSALM 116-118

God not man is our hope...

8It is better to take refuge in the Lord

than to trust in humans.

9It is better to take refuge in the Lord

than to trust in princes. (118:8-9)

1 CORINTHIANS 2

Paul points out that his power comes from God...

 3I came to you in weakness with great fear and trembling. 4My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit’s power, 5so that your faith might not rest on human wisdom, but on God’s power.

JOURNAL 

One of the blessings of doing this every day, has been that I cannot avoid tough scripture. I can't dismiss it and flip to passages that are more encouraging. I have to deal with the tough ones. These last few have been revealing because Paul makes it very clear that the only allegiance acceptable for my heart is God. Anything and everything else is counterfeit.

Having grown up in the church, I have heard this most of my life. Yet I feel I am finally understanding this in ways that I never have before. Because when I consider my actions and the community and world I live in, I see how the tentacles of my faith reach and imbed themselves in so many things.

One of the chief counterfeits of my heart are people. For most of my life I have had unrealistic expectations and hope in friends, family, authority etc. What I have discovered over and over again is that people are flawed, people are not Gods and they were never intended to be trusted and counted on as such. To do so creates dependence and burdens that destroy relationships. 

It is not that people and relationships are to be avoided...quite the opposite. It is just they are never to be viewed as a refuge for my heart. The Psalm could not be more clear. Only God can be a refuge. Everything else will fail and trusting in it for my identity and my ultimate hope will prove disappointing and will in the end do great damage.

This is sobering to realize but it is also freeing. It gives me the freedom to let people off the hook. It gives me the freedom to love them...not for what they can give me, but just because they are here and just because God put them in my life and heart. That is a freedom worth celebrating, that is a joy worth holding onto.

12What we have received is not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God, so that we may understand what God has freely given us. 13This is what we speak, not in words taught us by human wisdom but in words taught by the Spirit, explaining spiritual realities with Spirit-taught words.^c 

- 1 CORINTHIANS 2:12-13

AUGUST 19, 2018

“The only way to free ourselves from the destructive influence of counterfeit gods is to turn back to the true one. The living God, who revealed himself both at Mount Sinai and on the Cross, is the only Lord who, if you find him, can truly fulfill you, and, if you fail him, can truly forgive you.” 
― Timothy Keller, Counterfeit Gods: The Empty Promises of Money, Sex, and Power, and the Only Hope That Matters

PSALM 112-115

4Even in darkness light dawns for the upright,

for those who are gracious and compassionate and righteous. (112:4)

1 CORINTHIANS 1

26Brothers and sisters, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. 27But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. 28God chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, 29so that no one may boast before him. 

JOURNAL 

I have always loved the underdog. Sometimes probably too much. I confess, I often, while watching sporting events, will privately change allegiance mid game to pull for the one who is behind. I just love seeing a team, a person etc. overcome the odds. The Bible is full of those stories...here Paul even confirms that God makes fools of the wise by using the foolish. To me this is so cool and troubling. 

Does this mean that God is not the God of the successful, the beautiful, the wealthy? Does this mean that God intends to destroy the "favored" and give to the foolish? Does this mean God is a socialist? 

I think the answer is yes and no. But it all comes down to the heart and who and what holds the number one position in the heart and life of the human in question. There is one thing that I have discovered over and over in scripture and that is the question that God asks of man. Who or what do you serve? It is the question of all questions. In essence God is asking...Who or what is your God? 

The answer to this question sets the entire course and future of every life. Until it is answered nothing else really matters. Joshua asks this of the Israelites when he tells them to "choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve". This question is not about lip service...because man is designed to serve a God. We will choose one to follow...it's how we were designed...if we abstain then the default will become an object, a person or lastly ourselves. Either of these 3 options will produce addiction, obsession or narcissism...neither of which have a favorable ending. 

It is more and more apparent that life is rigged in a way that choosing anything other than God ends up destroying the heart and soul. I think this is at the core of these verses...God makes good of anything that fully surrenders to him. No matter how the world judges it...because God is the ultimate redeemer. 

14“Now fear the Lord and serve him with all faithfulness. Throw away the gods your ancestors worshiped beyond the Euphrates River and in Egypt, and serve the Lord. 15But if serving the Lord seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your ancestors served beyond the Euphrates, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord.”

- JOSHUA 24:14-15

AUGUST 18, 2018

“Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy—the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.” 
― Brené Brown

PSALM 109-111

21But you, Sovereign Lord,

help me for your name’s sake;

out of the goodness of your love, deliver me.

22For I am poor and needy,

and my heart is wounded within me.

23I fade away like an evening shadow;

I am shaken off like a locust. (109:21-23 )

ROMANS 16

17I urge you, brothers and sisters, to watch out for those who cause divisions and put obstacles in your way that are contrary to the teaching you have learned. Keep away from them. 18For such people are not serving our Lord Christ, but their own appetites. By smooth talk and flattery they deceive the minds of naive people.

JOURNAL 

Doing this consistently over the past couple of years has been difficult.  But as with most things in my life...difficulty reveals blessings never imagined. The blessings are not money or success. They are nothing tangible. The outside world most likely would never know the difference. While that would have seemed disappointing to me on the outset...it is the farthest thing from disappointing. 

So what are the blessings? They are hard to define. While centering me on God has definitely had a calming effect on the struggles that I face day to day. It is really more the little things than the more obvious. If I had to define it...it boils down to pausing first...rather than reacting. 

To pause and consider God in the midst of the day to day rhythms of life is such a blessing.  It is not natural for me and the more it happens the better I am getting at becoming more intentional and conscious in it's application. Reading through the Bible each day has also made me more aware of how difficult life is living as a human. It is a bit shocking but also a relief to see that not one individual in the Bible EVER had their "shit" together. They all struggled, they all anguished over decisions and many made horrendous awful choices. I include Jesus in the former not the later because compared to the pharisees and how his life ended...society would say he was a screwup and a failure. His life didn't measure up as a "success". Yet it was perfect. 

To really let that sink in and embrace it has allowed me to more often make decisions and respond in ways that I feel good about and that I know that are closer in line with the heart of God. Life is always throwing circumstances and situations of which I am never fully prepared...so to have the ability to pause and consider my response and then measure that with what I am learning of God is beyond valuable. It is life-changing. This is not to say that I've got it all figured out...because the other thing that I am learning is how far off the mark I tend to stray. 

Yet being able to pause, seek God's heart and wisdom and feel and know that his love is unconditional brings such peace. No matter the outcome, no matter whether or not my response is successful or a major failure, to engage knowing that I ultimately fall into the arms of God is the greatest blessing. It is what can bring peace in the midst of heartache and it is definitely what makes the joys of life so much sweeter.  

Writing this and leaving it out there for my family and whoever else stumbles upon it at times feels wrong, and crazy and somewhat silly. However I know and I really do believe that ultimately it is a good thing. For I firmly believe we are here to connect, not "succeed", love not "win", engage not hide and give not accumulate. If it just helps one person to know that they aren't alone and encourages them to rest in the love of God, then it's worth it. 

 42“Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done.” 43An angel from heaven appeared to him and strengthened him. 44And being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground.^c

LUKE 22:42-44