MARCH 4, 2019

“Don't let the expectations and opinions of other people affect your decisions. It's your life, not theirs. Do what matters most to you; do what makes you feel alive and happy. Don't let the expectations and ideas of others limit who you are. If you let others tell you who you are, you are living their reality — not yours. There is more to life than pleasing people. There is much more to life than following others' prescribed path. There is so much more to life than what you experience right now. You need to decide who you are for yourself. Become a whole being. Adventure.” 
― Roy T. Bennett

“I learned this, at least, by my experiment; that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours..” 
― Henry David Thoreau

NUMBERS 32-33

50On the plains of Moab by the Jordan across from Jericho the Lord said to Moses, 51“Speak to the Israelites and say to them: ‘When you cross the Jordan into Canaan, 52drive out all the inhabitants of the land before you. Destroy all their carved images and their cast idols, and demolish all their high places. 53Take possession of the land and settle in it, for I have given you the land to possess. 54Distribute the land by lot, according to your clans. To a larger group give a larger inheritance, and to a smaller group a smaller one. Whatever falls to them by lot will be theirs. Distribute it according to your ancestral tribes.

55“ ‘But if you do not drive out the inhabitants of the land, those you allow to remain will become barbs in your eyes and thorns in your sides. They will give you trouble in the land where you will live. 56And then I will do to you what I plan to do to them.’ ”(33:50-56)

MARK 10:1-31

13People were bringing little children to Jesus for him to place his hands on them, but the disciples rebuked them. 14When Jesus saw this, he was indignant. He said to them, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. 15Truly I tell you, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.” 16And he took the children in his arms, placed his hands on them and blessed them.

JOURNAL 

What does it mean "to receive the kingdom like a little child"? I think it goes back to truly living in the moment and limiting your mind and heart to the here and now. That's the one thing about small children...everything is immediate, it's about the here and now and they really don't care about tomorrow or a week from now. They also are not concerned about wealth or position or titles. They live completely in the moment. 

While living as an adult...I do have responsibilities to plan, and think about the future. However it goes back to my journal from the last two days. It is all in the interpretation. This doesn't mean that I live irresponsibly and completely indulgent but it does mean that my hope and faith is childlike. It means my joy and hope is content in the moment...that nothing is too big or too small for God. It means I see God through childlike eyes that does not limit him or dismiss him. It therefore means that I act accordingly with this faith.

This then means that I will be bold in the moment. It means that I will not be consumed with fear or shame, worry or doubt. It means that I will be open-minded, hopeful and full of joy. What a way to live and I firmly believe this is what Jesus was talking about...this is the mind and heart of the kingdom of God.

14For this reason I kneel before the Father, 15from whom every family^a in heaven and on earth derives its name. 16I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

EPHESIANS 3:14-19

MARCH 3, 2019

“I must be willing to give whatever it takes to do good to others. This requires that I be willing to give until it hurts. Otherwise, there is no true love in me, and I bring injustice, not peace, to those around me.” 
― Mother Teresa

NUMBERS 30-31

1The Lord said to Moses, 2“Take vengeance on the Midianites for the Israelites. After that, you will be gathered to your people.”

3So Moses said to the people, “Arm some of your men to go to war against the Midianites so that they may carry out the Lord’s vengeance on them. 4Send into battle a thousand men from each of the tribes of Israel.” 5So twelve thousand men armed for battle, a thousand from each tribe, were supplied from the clans of Israel. 6Moses sent them into battle, a thousand from each tribe, along with Phinehas son of Eleazar, the priest, who took with him articles from the sanctuary and the trumpets for signaling.

7They fought against Midian, as the Lord commanded Moses, and killed every man. ’(31:1-7)

MARK 9:30-50

33They came to Capernaum. When he was in the house, he asked them, “What were you arguing about on the road?” 34But they kept quiet because on the way they had argued about who was the greatest.

35Sitting down, Jesus called the Twelve and said, “Anyone who wants to be first must be the very last, and the servant of all.”

36He took a little child whom he placed among them. Taking the child in his arms, he said to them, 37“Whoever welcomes one of these little children in my name welcomes me; and whoever welcomes me does not welcome me but the one who sent me.”

JOURNAL 

Comparisons...they definitely are the third thing that tends to trip me up. So as of yesterday my interpretation of shame and fear are really the problems. It is the same with comparisons...the problem is in the interpretation.

The ability to compare/judge/analyze is also one of God's gifts. In it's best form it is what allows me to see needs, to have compassion, to recognize talent, to understand my own and how I can do better. This is not a bad thing it is a great gift. However when this gift goes wrong...it can lead to extreme evil and become the author of horrible destruction. 

Where it goes wrong is when comparison/judgement/analysis lead to jealousy and when that jealousy plays out...it joins up with shame and fear in ways that can turn sinister. No longer is the gift used to recognize need but rather to elevate myself. No longer is the gift used for compassion but rather to diminish others. 

9Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. 10Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.

ROMANS 12:9-10

MARCH 2, 2019

“[To have Faith in Christ] means, of course, trying to do all that He says. There would be no sense in saying you trusted a person if you would not take his advice. Thus if you have really handed yourself over to Him, it must follow that you are trying to obey Him. But trying in a new way, a less worried way. Not doing these things in order to be saved, but because He has begun to save you already. Not hoping to get to Heaven as a reward for your actions, but inevitably wanting to act in a certain way because a first faint gleam of Heaven is already inside you.” 
― C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

NUMBERS 28-29

1The Lord said to Moses, 2“Give this command to the Israelites and say to them: ‘Make sure that you present to me at the appointed time my food offerings, as an aroma pleasing to me.’(28:1-2)

MARK 9:1-29

14When they came to the other disciples, they saw a large crowd around them and the teachers of the law arguing with them. 15As soon as all the people saw Jesus, they were overwhelmed with wonder and ran to greet him.

16“What are you arguing with them about?” he asked.

17A man in the crowd answered, “Teacher, I brought you my son, who is possessed by a spirit that has robbed him of speech. 18Whenever it seizes him, it throws him to the ground. He foams at the mouth, gnashes his teeth and becomes rigid. I asked your disciples to drive out the spirit, but they could not.”

19“You unbelieving generation,” Jesus replied, “how long shall I stay with you? How long shall I put up with you? Bring the boy to me.”

20So they brought him. When the spirit saw Jesus, it immediately threw the boy into a convulsion. He fell to the ground and rolled around, foaming at the mouth.

21Jesus asked the boy’s father, “How long has he been like this?”

“From childhood,” he answered. 22“It has often thrown him into fire or water to kill him. But if you can do anything, take pity on us and help us.”

23“ ‘If you can’?” said Jesus. “Everything is possible for one who believes.”

24Immediately the boy’s father exclaimed, “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!”

25When Jesus saw that a crowd was running to the scene, he rebuked the impure spirit. “You deaf and mute spirit,” he said, “I command you, come out of him and never enter him again.”

26The spirit shrieked, convulsed him violently and came out. The boy looked so much like a corpse that many said, “He’s dead.” 27But Jesus took him by the hand and lifted him to his feet, and he stood up.

JOURNAL 

This whole concept of shame and fear has been something that I've really been wrestling with. Most often I think of it in terms of something to avoid. Yet when I really delve into it I have realized that both of those emotions do serve a purpose. It really is the interpretation of them that makes all the difference

From most of my study of psychology...emotions and our ability to project and think are incredible gifts. They essentially are what make us human. The problems arise when we don't understand how to regulate and or understand the message and signals. Especially when emotions hijack our thoughts in ways that are not warranted or needed. 

In looking at shame as it relates to the past...what purpose does it serve? Well for starters it has a powerful way of helping me to evaluate my own actions against right and wrong / good and evil. This is not a bad thing...it is necessary in helping me to decipher what is right and what is wrong. The problem arises when I take that too far and allow errors in judgment/actions etc to define me. 

It is the same when it comes to fear...fear is a necessary emotion that helps us navigate the future. It helps us to see danger before it happens...therefore keeping us from doing things that could be detrimental to ourselves and others. The problem arises when the fear becomes consuming and causes us to limit ourselves in ways that are destructive, hurtful or in ways that keep us from growing and being our best. 

The only real way to navigate these powerful emotions is when our identity is defined by God and scripture. When I daily search scripture and take my needs, hopes, dreams to God...then I can rest in the wisdom of the creator. I can see the past and the future through the lens of God's love. I can see the ways I have fallen short...not as an indictment but rather in humility that connects me to God and gives me compassion for others.  I can see the future through the promise of the kingdom and all that God is doing to transform my mind and heart and the mind and heart of others. 

However ultimately what God gives me is today. That's the beauty of these two forces...they exist as two barriers which help me to focus on the only thing that I truly have domain over...the present moment. Focusing my energy into the here and now is the key to being my best and serving and honoring God. 

17For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit...

ROMANS 14:17

MARCH 1, 2019

“Faithless is he that says farewell when the road darkens.” 
― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring

NUMBERS 26-27

12Then the Lord said to Moses, “Go up this mountain in the Abarim Range and see the land I have given the Israelites. 13After you have seen it, you too will be gathered to your people, as your brother Aaron was, 14for when the community rebelled at the waters in the Desert of Zin, both of you disobeyed my command to honor me as holy before their eyes.” (These were the waters of Meribah Kadesh, in the Desert of Zin.)

15Moses said to the Lord, 16“May the Lord, the God who gives breath to all living things, appoint someone over this community 17to go out and come in before them, one who will lead them out and bring them in, so the Lord’s people will not be like sheep without a shepherd.”

18So the Lord said to Moses, “Take Joshua son of Nun, a man in whom is the spirit of leadership,^a and lay your hand on him. 19Have him stand before Eleazar the priest and the entire assembly and commission him in their presence. 20Give him some of your authority so the whole Israelite community will obey him. 21He is to stand before Eleazar the priest, who will obtain decisions for him by inquiring of the Urim before the Lord. At his command he and the entire community of the Israelites will go out, and at his command they will come in.”

22Moses did as the Lord commanded him. He took Joshua and had him stand before Eleazar the priest and the whole assembly. 23Then he laid his hands on him and commissioned him, as the Lord instructed through Moses.(27:12-23)

MARK 8:22-38

31He then began to teach them that the Son of Man must suffer many things and be rejected by the elders, the chief priests and the teachers of the law, and that he must be killed and after three days rise again. 32He spoke plainly about this, and Peter took him aside and began to rebuke him.

33But when Jesus turned and looked at his disciples, he rebuked Peter. “Get behind me, Satan!” he said. “You do not have in mind the concerns of God, but merely human concerns.”

34Then he called the crowd to him along with his disciples and said: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. 35For whoever wants to save their life^b will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me and for the gospel will save it. 36What good is it for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul? 37Or what can anyone give in exchange for their soul? 38If anyone is ashamed of me and my words in this adulterous and sinful generation, the Son of Man will be ashamed of them when he comes in his Father’s glory with the holy angels.”

JOURNAL 

What are the "human concerns" in my own life? I know with Peter it seemed absurd that the way of the cross would in fact be "the best path". It seemed like a loss not a win. Everyday I face "human concerns"...reputation, food, shelter, clothing, professional success...these are all the tangible obstacles in our world. 

Our world is so much different than the world in which the Bible was written. First of all we don't have the rejection generally associated for following Christ. In many ways it seems to be the path to success...while that is definitely a blessing, it also can feel confusing when reading scripture. However, the personal battles associated with fear of the future and shame of the past are always lingering.

To me...this is where the adversity rises...in my own head and heart. To stay true to this moment and to trust God in surrendering and giving my best, this is the mountain I must climb each day. It is much harder than it looks on the outside...maybe that's why Jesus says that if we have faith...we can move mountains. The "mountains" are different for everyone. I think for the most part the mountains are in the realm of the mind and heart. Yet Jesus promises that with faith, nothing will be impossible!

19Then the disciples came to Jesus in private and asked, “Why couldn’t we drive it out?”

20He replied, “Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.” 

MATTHEW 17:19-20

FEBRUARY 28, 2019

“Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power.” 
― Abraham Lincoln

NUMBERS 21-25

10Then Balak’s anger burned against Balaam. He struck his hands together and said to him, “I summoned you to curse my enemies, but you have blessed them these three times. 11Now leave at once and go home! I said I would reward you handsomely, but the Lord has kept you from being rewarded.”

12Balaam answered Balak, “Did I not tell the messengers you sent me, 13‘Even if Balak gave me all the silver and gold in his palace, I could not do anything of my own accord, good or bad, to go beyond the command of the Lord—and I must say only what the Lord says’? 14Now I am going back to my people, but come, let me warn you of what this people will do to your people in days to come.”(25:10-14)

MARK 7:14-8:21

14The disciples had forgotten to bring bread, except for one loaf they had with them in the boat. 15“Be careful,” Jesus warned them. “Watch out for the yeast of the Pharisees and that of Herod.”

16They discussed this with one another and said, “It is because we have no bread.”

17Aware of their discussion, Jesus asked them: “Why are you talking about having no bread? Do you still not see or understand? Are your hearts hardened? 18Do you have eyes but fail to see, and ears but fail to hear? And don’t you remember? 19When I broke the five loaves for the five thousand, how many basketfuls of pieces did you pick up?”

“Twelve,” they replied.

20“And when I broke the seven loaves for the four thousand, how many basketfuls of pieces did you pick up?”

They answered, “Seven.”

21He said to them, “Do you still not understand?” (8:14-21)

JOURNAL 

The insertion of the story of Balaam is a strange one. He is prophet but is not an Israelite and even though he is being paid to curse the Israelites he refuses because God tells him not to. This brings up so many questions...why is God speaking to a non-israelite, how does he have the power to curse and bless? These are questions which really have no answer...for their are other places in the Bible where people have power that are not Godly. The fact that Balaam is able to consult with God and be guided by him is what is really confusing.

To me this shows that God is never boxed in. God is not contained or defined by men. It also means that power is not just received because we fear and obey God, but rather that it is something that he enables in us whether we acknowledge him or not. I think it has to be this way or else our motives for relationship with God would be about getting power rather than love. 

Ultimately having power is not the ultimate objective...Jesus proclaims his mission and it has nothing to do with personal power but rather is all about loving and serving those that need it most. 

18“The Spirit of the Lord is on me,

because he has anointed me

to proclaim good news to the poor.

He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners

and recovery of sight for the blind,

to set the oppressed free,

19to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor.”^f

LUKE 4:18-19