AUGUST 18, 2017

“Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy—the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.” 
― Brené Brown

PSALM 109-111

21But you, Sovereign Lord,

help me for your name’s sake;

out of the goodness of your love, deliver me.

22For I am poor and needy,

and my heart is wounded within me.

23I fade away like an evening shadow;

I am shaken off like a locust. (109:21-23 )

ROMANS 16

17I urge you, brothers and sisters, to watch out for those who cause divisions and put obstacles in your way that are contrary to the teaching you have learned. Keep away from them. 18For such people are not serving our Lord Christ, but their own appetites. By smooth talk and flattery they deceive the minds of naive people.

JOURNAL 

Doing this consistently over the past couple of years has been difficult.  But as with most things in my life...difficulty reveals blessings never imagined. The blessings are not money or success. They are nothing tangible. The outside world most likely would never know the difference. While that would have seemed disappointing to me on the outset...it is the farthest thing from disappointing. 

So what are the blessings? They are hard to define. While centering me on God has definitely had a calming effect on the struggles that I face day to day. It is really more the little things than the more obvious. If I had to define it...it boils down to pausing first...rather than reacting. 

To pause and consider God in the midst of the day to day rhythms of life is such a blessing.  It is not natural for me and the more it happens the better I am getting at becoming more intentional and conscious in it's application. Reading through the Bible each day has also made me more aware of how difficult life is living as a human. It is a bit shocking but also a relief to see that not one individual in the Bible EVER had their "shit" together. They all struggled, they all anguished over decisions and many made horrendous awful choices. I include Jesus in the former not the later because compared to the pharisees and how his life ended...society would say he was a screwup and a failure. His life didn't measure up as a "success". Yet it was perfect. 

To really let that sink in and embrace it has allowed me to more often make decisions and respond in ways that I feel good about and that I know that are closer in line with the heart of God. Life is always throwing circumstances and situations of which I am never fully prepared...so to have the ability to pause and consider my response and then measure that with what I am learning of God is beyond valuable. It is life-changing. This is not to say that I've got it all figured out...because the other thing that I am learning is how far off the mark I tend to stray. 

Yet being able to pause, seek God's heart and wisdom and feel and know that his love is unconditional brings such peace. No matter the outcome, no matter whether or not my response is successful or a major failure, to engage knowing that I ultimately fall into the arms of God is the greatest blessing. It is what can bring peace in the midst of heartache and it is definitely what makes the joys of life so much sweeter.  

I don't know how long I will continue to share this. I am looking to God here...It feels wrong, and crazy and somewhat silly to be vulnerable but I know and I really do know that ultimately it is a good thing.

 42“Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done.” 43An angel from heaven appeared to him and strengthened him. 44And being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground.^c

- LUKE 22:42-44

AUGUST 17, 2017

“But the line between moral behavior and narcissistic self-righteousness is thin and difficult to discern” 
― Dean Koontz, Deeply Odd

PSALM 107-108

17Some became fools through their rebellious ways

and suffered affliction because of their iniquities.

18They loathed all food

and drew near the gates of death.

19Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble,

and he saved them from their distress.

20He sent out his word and healed them;

he rescued them from the grave.

21Let them give thanks to the Lord for his unfailing love

and his wonderful deeds for mankind.

22Let them sacrifice thank offerings

and tell of his works with songs of joy. (107:17-22)

ROMANS 15:21-23

30I urge you, brothers and sisters, by our Lord Jesus Christ and by the love of the Spirit, to join me in my struggle by praying to God for me. 31Pray that I may be kept safe from the unbelievers in Judea and that the contribution I take to Jerusalem may be favorably received by the Lord’s people there, 32so that I may come to you with joy, by God’s will, and in your company be refreshed. 33The God of peace be with you all. Amen.

JOURNAL 

The danger of the gospel is something that haunts me.  For it is something that I have never really experienced. I have never faced death or punishment because of my belief. I have never faced scorn or hardship because I chose to follow God. This is troubling...in fact it somehow feels wrong. As if I need to experience hardship if I am to follow Christ. Yet in our culture it is to my benefit to follow Christ. I am more accepted rather than rejected. When this is juxtaposed with the Gospel it makes things seem backwards. 

However the deeper I dig the more I realize that there always is a battle and that battle is with myself. It is with the part of me that wants to find a way to dismiss spending time with God. It is with that part of me that wants to be right at all cost. It is with that part of me that wants things at the expense of others. It is with that part of me that avoids and turns away instead of engaging with a difficult situation or person.   It is in that part of me that seeks to secure things instead of give in to obedience. 

The reality is the battle is always there and the choice to follow always looms. Yet without God's grace, without forgiveness, without his love I would spin forever in my own narcissism. Yet it is through his daily patient love that I have the power to fight and the hope to endure. 

1Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, 2then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. 3Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, 4not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.

- PHILIPPIANS 2:3

AUGUST 16, 2017

“God's definition of what matters is pretty straightforward. He measures our lives by how we love.” 
― Francis Chan, Crazy Love: Overwhelmed by a Relentless God

“You've gotta dance like there's nobody watching,
Love like you'll never be hurt,
Sing like there's nobody listening, And live like it's heaven on earth.” 
― William W. Purkey

PSALM 105-106

1Praise the Lord.^a

Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good;

his love endures forever.

2Who can proclaim the mighty acts of the Lord

or fully declare his praise?

3Blessed are those who act justly,

who always do what is right. (106:1-3)

ROMANS 15

1We who are strong ought to bear with the failings of the weak and not to please ourselves. 2Each of us should please our neighbors for their good, to build them up. 3For even Christ did not please himself but, as it is written: “The insults of those who insult you have fallen on me.”^a 4For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through the endurance taught in the Scriptures and the encouragement they provide we might have hope.

5May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you the same attitude of mind toward each other that Christ Jesus had, 6so that with one mind and one voice you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.

7Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God. 8For I tell you that Christ has become a servant of the Jews^b on behalf of God’s truth, so that the promises made to the patriarchs might be confirmed 9and, moreover, that the Gentiles might glorify God for his mercy.

JOURNAL 

I wake up this morning to my second day of school. After a long first day and feeling and knowing that I am where I need to be it is still hard to accept that the reward for my work and effort will not be monetary. It is hard to be excited, because in the end there is so little hope of a financial payoff. In our world and in the school I am working this just seems so backward. It is so tempting at times to place my hope in "worldly" success and security. Believing that if I just live my life the way God asks then I will be protected from heartache and rewarded with security and good times and "noodle salad". 

The reality is that this just isn't true. While I know that there are "good things" that have happened in my life that demand divine intervention as their explanation. I still look around and look back at my own life and realize that there are also times when divine intervention seems glaringly absent. Why? What is the formula? What do I need to do to ensure safe delivery of all those I love to a blessed tranquil life and an eternity of peace and joy? 

The answer is that I can only live the life I'm given. I can only embrace the moments I am blessed to receive. That's it! Nothing more! I fear turning that over, I fear letting go and trusting. My mind ventures to an almost panic to protect and control. 

So why hope? Why trust? Why put my hope in a God that cannot be depended on to fulfill my earthly hopes and dreams? I can only look at scripture and realize that there is something greater...It is the hope that drove Paul and the disciples forward despite the warnings. It is the voice that comforted Elijah. It is the courage that moved Moses to stand up to Pharaoh.  It is the peace that filled Stephen before he was stoned. It is the dream that guided Joseph through prison. Ultimately it is love that guided Christ to the looming Cross and it is this love that wraps it all in the goodness of God...regardless of the earthly outcome...there truly is something greater!  

Oh wow...I am a mess...I am delusional and fearful...yet God you are still there. It is the only thing that can pry my hands off the illusion of control. You give me hope despite my fear, you give me joy in the midst of my panic, you even forgive me after callous, careless sin. Why? The answer is right here in the pages of this ancient book...because you love me.

1The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.

2He makes me lie down in green pastures,

he leads me beside quiet waters,

3he refreshes my soul.

He guides me along the right paths

for his name’s sake.

4Even though I walk

through the darkest valley,^a

I will fear no evil,

for you are with me;

your rod and your staff,

they comfort me.

5You prepare a table before me

in the presence of my enemies.

You anoint my head with oil;

my cup overflows.

6Surely your goodness and love will follow me

all the days of my life,

and I will dwell in the house of the Lord

forever.

PSALM 23

AUGUST 15, 2017

“The world is indeed full of peril, and in it there are many dark places; but still there is much that is fair, and though in all lands love is now mingled with grief, it grows perhaps the greater.” 
― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring

PSALM 103-104

13As a father has compassion on his children,

so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him;

14for he knows how we are formed,

he remembers that we are dust.

15The life of mortals is like grass,

they flourish like a flower of the field;

16the wind blows over it and it is gone,

and its place remembers it no more.

17But from everlasting to everlasting

the Lord’s love is with those who fear him,

and his righteousness with their children’s children—

18with those who keep his covenant

and remember to obey his precepts. (103:13-18)

ROMANS 14

 7For none of us lives for ourselves alone, and none of us dies for ourselves alone. 8If we live, we live for the Lord; and if we die, we die for the Lord. So, whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord.

JOURNAL 

God created us to live in community. We are just wired that way. God actually exists in community. So it makes sense that to live isolated and alone is something that would absolutely serve to destroy the human spirit. There obviously is a healthy and an unhealthy version of this. I myself have fallen victim of being included in the unhealthy version. Over time I have learned that it is when I become dependent on people, things etc in a desperate need for my identity that the ugly side rears its head.  

I have also come to learn that God is always safe in being dependent upon him for identity. This is truly the only safe place to find my answers.  It seems that the closer I draw to God the better I understand myself...flaws and all. I can then see clearer that his intentions for me and life only make sense when I stitch my soul in permanent concert with his love. 

This then becomes the anchor that I need to weather storms and also to enjoy the  peaceful moments of life. For without that anchor I would be in danger of drifting from myself and attaching to people, places and things that can never give me identity. With this anchor I am able to live and love in ways that bring life instead of consume it. Oh this seems so simple...I am thankful for the grace of God that covers me when I fall short.

16So this is what the Sovereign Lord says:

“See, I lay a stone in Zion, a tested stone,

a precious cornerstone for a sure foundation;

the one who relies on it

will never be stricken with panic.

- ISAIAH 28:16

AUGUST 14, 2017

“And out of that hopeless attempt has come nearly all that we call human history—money, poverty, ambition, war, prostitution, classes, empires, slavery—the long terrible story of man trying to find something other than God which will make him happy.” 
― C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

PSALM 99-102

 1Shout for joy to the Lord, all the earth.

2Worship the Lord with gladness;

come before him with joyful songs.

3Know that the Lord is God.

It is he who made us, and we are his^a ;

we are his people, the sheep of his pasture. (100:1-3)

ROMANS 13

8Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for whoever loves others has fulfilled the law. 9The commandments, “You shall not commit adultery,” “You shall not murder,” “You shall not steal,” “You shall not covet,”^aand whatever other command there may be, are summed up in this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.”^b 10Love does no harm to a neighbor. Therefore love is the fulfillment of the law.

JOURNAL 

First full day before kids come in my new venture.  Right in the midst of such uncertainty...It is sometimes hard to wrap my brain around all the goodness in my life. I have been so blessed with family and friends...yet there are those times when for whatever reason I forget...

Life and its struggles have a tendency to take over...thoughts of loss and hardship too often win the day. Yet to be able to thank God and praise him for all the goodness, all the opportunities to serve him and the power and privilege to serve others..this is an incredible gift. It is the greatest gift. I pray Father that you continue to remind me today of the precious gift of life and that your power and love flow through me in all that I do.

13You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh^a ; rather, serve one another humbly in love. 14For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.”^b

- GALATIANS 5:13-14