“The function of prayer is not to influence God, but rather to change the nature of the one who prays.”
EXODUS 4-6
JOURNAL
When I really read the Bible and don’t just treat it like a duty, it completely changes how it hits me, because it stops feeling like a list of rules and starts feeling like a collection of real stories about real people experiencing life in all its color and wonder. That’s why moments like Peter rebuking Jesus land so deeply with me, because it’s not just some random outburst, it feels human, honest, and even strangely beautiful in how much love and protection he’s trying to show. Peter isn’t being evil, he’s being loyal, he’s basically saying, “Not you, not this, not suffering, not death,” and even though Jesus corrects him so sharply, it still reminds me that the “rock” Jesus builds His church on isn’t some flawless superhero, it’s a man with a real heart who can be bold one minute and completely miss the bigger picture the next.
Moses is the same way. He’s literally in God’s presence, hearing God’s voice, being called into purpose, and still he can’t get out of his own fear, his own insecurity, his own human reasoning, so he starts making excuses, talking about his speech, his ability, his limitations, and finally he just says what a lot of us feel when life gets heavy: “Please send someone else.” What’s incredible is that neither Moses nor Peter is rejected for that, they’re corrected, they’re redirected, but they’re still chosen, and honestly that makes me feel better about my own shortcomings because it shows me that weakness doesn’t disqualify me, fear doesn’t shock God, and my failures don’t catch Him off guard. At the same time, it’s a reminder that human concerns and God’s concerns are not the same thing, because my concerns are usually comfort and control and safety and reputation and avoiding pain, while God’s concerns are bigger than me and deeper than my moment and not restricted by normal human standards.
That’s why trusting God matters so much, because He isn’t limited by what limits me, He isn’t boxed in by my insecurity or my past or my ability to see clearly, and if He nudges me or commands me or calls me forward, I don’t need to minimize Him or shrink back like obedience is only possible once I feel confident and qualified. Relationship with God is about being in tune with Him, understanding His heart, His wisdom, and letting that shape the way I live, love, lead, and respond, and that’s also why prayer is such a gift, because like Kierkegaard said, prayer isn’t about influencing God, it’s about changing me. I do believe God wants me to come honestly, to confess what I want, to ask boldly, to lay my desires in front of Him without hiding, but I also believe I will never control God and I can’t twist His arm or talk Him into my way, because it’s His way always. Prayer helps me see the gap between what I desire and what God knows is true, it reveals where my wants fall short, not because I’m evil for wanting things, but because I’m limited, sometimes fearful, sometimes self-protective, and I need His perspective more than I need my own.
Still, I don’t want to shy away from honesty with Him, because if Moses can say “send someone else” and Peter can say “never, Lord,” then I can bring God my real thoughts too, and the key isn’t getting everything right, it’s continuing to come, continuing to seek Him, continuing to stay close, because the more I do, the more His love becomes the place I live from instead of something I chase. That’s what John 15:10 reminds me of, that keeping His commands isn’t about earning His love, it’s about remaining in it, staying rooted in it, and letting it shape me into someone who trusts Him even when I don’t fully understand what He’s doing.
When I really read the Bible and don’t just treat it like a duty, it completely changes how it hits me, because it stops feeling like a list of rules and starts feeling like a collection of real stories about real people experiencing life in all its color and wonder. That’s why moments like Peter rebuking Jesus land so deeply with me, because it’s not just some random outburst, it feels human, honest, and even strangely beautiful in how much love and protection he’s trying to show. Peter isn’t being evil, he’s being loyal, he’s basically saying, “Not you, not this, not suffering, not death,” and even though Jesus corrects him so sharply, it still reminds me that the “rock” Jesus builds His church on isn’t some flawless superhero, it’s a man with a real heart who can be bold one minute and completely miss the bigger picture the next.
Moses is the same way. He’s literally in God’s presence, hearing God’s voice, being called into purpose, and still he can’t get out of his own fear, his own insecurity, his own human reasoning, so he starts making excuses, talking about his speech, his ability, his limitations, and finally he just says what a lot of us feel when life gets heavy: “Please send someone else.” What’s incredible is that neither Moses nor Peter is rejected for that, they’re corrected, they’re redirected, but they’re still chosen, and honestly that makes me feel better about my own shortcomings because it shows me that weakness doesn’t disqualify me, fear doesn’t shock God, and my failures don’t catch Him off guard. At the same time, it’s a reminder that human concerns and God’s concerns are not the same thing, because my concerns are usually comfort and control and safety and reputation and avoiding pain, while God’s concerns are bigger than me and deeper than my moment and not restricted by normal human standards.
That’s why trusting God matters so much, because He isn’t limited by what limits me, He isn’t boxed in by my insecurity or my past or my ability to see clearly, and if He nudges me or commands me or calls me forward, I don’t need to minimize Him or shrink back like obedience is only possible once I feel confident and qualified. Relationship with God is about being in tune with Him, understanding His heart, His wisdom, and letting that shape the way I live, love, lead, and respond, and that’s also why prayer is such a gift, because like Kierkegaard said, prayer isn’t about influencing God, it’s about changing me. I do believe God wants me to come honestly, to confess what I want, to ask boldly, to lay my desires in front of Him without hiding, but I also believe I will never control God and I can’t twist His arm or talk Him into my way, because it’s His way always. Prayer helps me see the gap between what I desire and what God knows is true, it reveals where my wants fall short, not because I’m evil for wanting things, but because I’m limited, sometimes fearful, sometimes self-protective, and I need His perspective more than I need my own.
Still, I don’t want to shy away from honesty with Him, because if Moses can say “send someone else” and Peter can say “never, Lord,” then I can bring God my real thoughts too, and the key isn’t getting everything right, it’s continuing to come, continuing to seek Him, continuing to stay close, because the more I do, the more His love becomes the place I live from instead of something I chase. That’s what John 15:10 reminds me of, that keeping His commands isn’t about earning His love, it’s about remaining in it, staying rooted in it, and letting it shape me into someone who trusts Him even when I don’t fully understand what He’s doing.
JOHN 15:10
No comments:
Post a Comment