“You can kiss your family and friends good-bye and put miles between you, but at the same time you carry them with you in your heart, your mind, your stomach, because you do not just live in a world but a world lives in you.”
GENESIS 42-43
JOURNAL
I woke up yesterday a little out of sorts. Not an existential crisis, and not anxiety, just one of those strange moments I get from time to time where I need a minute to get my bearings and remember who I am and what I’m doing. One of the reasons it felt that way is simple, but it mattered. My family was away and out of town.
Going to bed by myself and waking up by myself gave me this subtle disorientation. Like something in me was searching for its anchor. It reminded me that God never intended for us to be disconnected from our story. He designed us to live in relationship, to be known, and to stay tied to who we are and why we’re here. And for good or bad, that is always going to be connected to our past in one way or another.
I also had some strange dreams, so the timing of it all makes sense. But after I meditated, exercised, read, and spent time in devotion, everything shifted. The fog lifted. I felt clear again. I felt energy and inspiration return. And I remember thinking afterward, this is why I need a morning routine. This is why I should never judge the day before I’m first filled with God’s presence and Spirit.
I know that is true. I’ve written about it countless times. And yet there are plenty of days when I wake up feeling fine, connected, and steady, and I start believing that reading and exercising are optional. Like if I feel good, I must be good. Yesterday reminded me how easily I drift into seeking God out of need instead of out of surrender. God welcomes our need, but I also believe He calls us to seek Him even when we feel like we don’t need Him at all.
That’s what hit me in the text with Joseph.
Joseph didn’t go searching for his brothers. He didn’t chase them down. He didn’t try to rewrite the story. He kept moving forward, building a life, carrying responsibility, becoming powerful. But when they came to him, he couldn’t bury what was still inside him. He couldn’t hide his love. He couldn’t stop the emotion. Just seeing Benjamin undid him.
That’s such a lesson to me. We never outrun our past. We can ignore it, suppress it, bury it under work and achievement and distraction, but it’s still there. It can haunt us if it stays unredeemed, or it can inspire us if God heals it. It can either pull us backward into fear and bitterness, or it can propel us forward into purpose with humility and strength.
Family has that kind of power. It marks us. It shapes us. It lives inside us. And depending on our story, it can feel like a gift, a grief, or both at the same time. The experiences of our youth can shape how we see life, how we view God, and how we relate to the people closest to us now. Some things may need healing because they will never be forgotten. They will always be part of us.
And that’s why redemption matters.
Because we are not redeemed by money or success or the ability to start over. We are redeemed by something eternal and holy. Not with perishable things like silver or gold, but with the life of Christ. His life, his love, his spirit are what redeem us and change us and connect us to our purpose.
I woke up yesterday a little out of sorts. Not an existential crisis, and not anxiety, just one of those strange moments I get from time to time where I need a minute to get my bearings and remember who I am and what I’m doing. One of the reasons it felt that way is simple, but it mattered. My family was away and out of town.
Going to bed by myself and waking up by myself gave me this subtle disorientation. Like something in me was searching for its anchor. It reminded me that God never intended for us to be disconnected from our story. He designed us to live in relationship, to be known, and to stay tied to who we are and why we’re here. And for good or bad, that is always going to be connected to our past in one way or another.
I also had some strange dreams, so the timing of it all makes sense. But after I meditated, exercised, read, and spent time in devotion, everything shifted. The fog lifted. I felt clear again. I felt energy and inspiration return. And I remember thinking afterward, this is why I need a morning routine. This is why I should never judge the day before I’m first filled with God’s presence and Spirit.
I know that is true. I’ve written about it countless times. And yet there are plenty of days when I wake up feeling fine, connected, and steady, and I start believing that reading and exercising are optional. Like if I feel good, I must be good. Yesterday reminded me how easily I drift into seeking God out of need instead of out of surrender. God welcomes our need, but I also believe He calls us to seek Him even when we feel like we don’t need Him at all.
That’s what hit me in the text with Joseph.
Joseph didn’t go searching for his brothers. He didn’t chase them down. He didn’t try to rewrite the story. He kept moving forward, building a life, carrying responsibility, becoming powerful. But when they came to him, he couldn’t bury what was still inside him. He couldn’t hide his love. He couldn’t stop the emotion. Just seeing Benjamin undid him.
That’s such a lesson to me. We never outrun our past. We can ignore it, suppress it, bury it under work and achievement and distraction, but it’s still there. It can haunt us if it stays unredeemed, or it can inspire us if God heals it. It can either pull us backward into fear and bitterness, or it can propel us forward into purpose with humility and strength.
Family has that kind of power. It marks us. It shapes us. It lives inside us. And depending on our story, it can feel like a gift, a grief, or both at the same time. The experiences of our youth can shape how we see life, how we view God, and how we relate to the people closest to us now. Some things may need healing because they will never be forgotten. They will always be part of us.
And that’s why redemption matters.
Because we are not redeemed by money or success or the ability to start over. We are redeemed by something eternal and holy. Not with perishable things like silver or gold, but with the life of Christ. His life, his love, his spirit are what redeem us and change us and connect us to our purpose.
No comments:
Post a Comment