“Defensiveness is usually someone silently screaming that they need you to value and respect them in disguise. When you look for deeper meanings behind someone’s pain you can then begin to heal not only yourself, but others.”
~ Shannon L. Alder
~ Shannon L. Alder
ISAIAH 65-66
“These are the ones I look on with favor:
those who are humble and contrite in spirit,
and who tremble at my word. (66:2)
2 THESSALONIANS 1
3We ought always to thank God for you, brothers and sisters,b and rightly so, because your faith is growing more and more, and the love all of you have for one another is increasing. 4Therefore, among God’s churches we boast about your perseverance and faith in all the persecutions and trials you are enduring.(3-4)
JOURNAL
I find that learning to stay present in the current moment is so difficult. It is extremely difficult for me because I fear conflict. Everything about the present entails some level of conflict and or uncomfortable circumstances. That is just the reality of life...however I fear them with a fear that can be paralyzing. I have often sought out the quickest path to not having to experience conflict. This has led me down roads of lying, manipulating, agreeing to things I shouldn't and making promises that are impossible to fulfill.
When I really look at my behavior I realize that acceptance of difficult circumstances and conflict would have brought about much better outcomes in the end. Taking shortcuts and detours around conflict only serve to avoid it and create the future possibility of more and inevitably in ways that are unavoidable. Fear of conflict is something every human suffers but deals with in differing ways.
In reading and trusting scripture the best way through is humility and love. Willingly exposing myself to possible rejection, reprimand, disagreements etc. feels like suicide, when in reality it is the best possible way to grow, develop and contribute. Loving others and myself means doing things in spite of how they feel because I truly want the best for others and myself. I desire righteousness and holiness, yet these are only experienced when they are risked in humility and love.
When I really look at my behavior I realize that acceptance of difficult circumstances and conflict would have brought about much better outcomes in the end. Taking shortcuts and detours around conflict only serve to avoid it and create the future possibility of more and inevitably in ways that are unavoidable. Fear of conflict is something every human suffers but deals with in differing ways.
In reading and trusting scripture the best way through is humility and love. Willingly exposing myself to possible rejection, reprimand, disagreements etc. feels like suicide, when in reality it is the best possible way to grow, develop and contribute. Loving others and myself means doing things in spite of how they feel because I truly want the best for others and myself. I desire righteousness and holiness, yet these are only experienced when they are risked in humility and love.
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