What did I learn?

1) Childish behavior can be put into two categories...wounded and healthy. The wounded child shrinks back, fears engagement, has irrational meltdowns etc. the healthy child pushes boundaries, gets up when he falls, cries when he is hurt and hugs when he loves.

2) We all desperately crave human connection and relationship. When we lack it...the difficulties of life can seem unbearable.

3) Never count out what someone will do or say when threatened or desperate.

SEPTEMBER 21, 2016

“When I was ten, I read fairy tales in secret and would have been ashamed if I had been found doing so. Now that I am fifty, I read them openly. When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up.” 
― C.S. Lewis, On Stories: And Other Essays on Literature

SONG OF SOLOMON 1-3

5Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you

by the gazelles and by the does of the field:

Do not arouse or awaken love

until it so desires. (3:5)

2 CORINTHIANS 12

 Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. 8Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. 9But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

JOURNAL 

As human beings...there are certain struggles we have. Because of the complexity of our brains and our ability to create, reason, analyze, plan etc we have enormous abilities. These abilities however sometimes become confused with basic emotions and modes of survival.

In my own life I have forced things I didn't need to force. I have run from things I really needed to face. I have lashed out when I needed to calmly assess. I have smoothed over when I needed to confront. I have hated when I needed to love. I have been stubborn when I needed to forgive.

Most all of these errors in behavior and judgement came out of misunderstood fear and anxiety. They actually came out of an immature childish response to adult problems. I learned at Onsite last year that these patterns of behavior are established when we are young and we will automatically resort to them unless we can recognize them...calm the emotions and then reason through the better response.

However there are really good things about the childish part of us...the wonder of learning, the purity of love and the freedom to own thoughts and emotions. What needs nurturing is the wounded child inside that is fearful to actually be a child and embrace all the wonders that entails. Jesus tells us to come to him as children.

God is my key to becoming calm and then reasoning through the better response. God is my constant, it is where I can go to calm the anxiety and fear and be affirmed of my abilities and talents. God is where I can go to heal the wounds of childhood and emerge, wiser, fresher and with the openness to see all the blessings of my life.

1Therefore, rid yourselves of all malice and all deceit, hypocrisy, envy, and slander of every kind. 2Like newborn babies, crave pure spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow up in your salvation, 3now that you have tasted that the Lord is good.

1 PETER 2:1-3

What did I learn?

1) I have a far greater capacity than I often ever allow myself to realize. Too often I sell myself short and shrink back. Mostly these are patterns that were established when I was very young. Things like this need to be revisited and I need to test myself and push my limits daily.

2) Graham was offered a 125% financial package for Louisiana Tech via baseball.  18 Mos. ago that was so far out of the realm of possibilities. Just shows how staying with something and believing and not backing down is how you reach your goals.

3) Timing a task is very eye opening. Often I think that things will take much longer than they actually do. Understanding this helps me to push through discomfort and see things for what they are.

SEPTEMBER 20, 2016

“It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed.”
― Theodore Roosevelt

ECCLESIASTES 10-12

4If a ruler’s anger rises against you,

do not leave your post;

calmness can lay great offenses to rest. (10:4)

2 CORINTHIANS 11:16-33

 I have worked much harder, been in prison more frequently, been flogged more severely, and been exposed to death again and again. 24Five times I received from the Jews the forty lashes minus one. 25Three times I was beaten with rods, once I was pelted with stones, three times I was shipwrecked, I spent a night and a day in the open sea, 26I have been constantly on the move. I have been in danger from rivers, in danger from bandits, in danger from my fellow Jews, in danger from Gentiles; in danger in the city, in danger in the country, in danger at sea; and in danger from false believers. 27I have labored and toiled and have often gone without sleep; I have known hunger and thirst and have often gone without food; I have been cold and naked. 28Besides everything else, I face daily the pressure of my concern for all the churches.

JOURNAL 

These verses address one of my greatest fears and that is of rejection and abandonment. Here Solomon confirms that staying calm and enduring anger is the path to resolution. Also Paul tells of all his sufferings in order to make the point that it is in the suffering that dependence on God is developed. It is in the conflict that strength is born. It is in the conflict that love is proven.

Is this not the reason that we love athletics...they let us see the dilemma of living play out in front of our very eyes. Conflict and opposition and how to work through it. There is no hiding from missed field goals, interceptions, penalties, strikeouts, mistakes, injuries etc. The conflict is there and we watch as the participants deal with it. To engage and play is the only way to get better, it is the only way to really learn.

It is the same in life. Trying to avoid conflict will only keep me from learning and deepening my faith in God. Stepping into the fire, into the opportunities for failure and the inevitable difficulties of life will serve to help me learn and help me to develop my own talents and my own skills. It will also serve as a way to teach my boys and be a source of encouragement for those who go after me. My life is to be lived as a living sacrifice for the benefit of others and to the glory of God.

1Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. 2Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

ROMANS 12:1-2

What did I learn?

1) The new iPhone update is pretty awesome and that using the pictures and text features brings a whole new world to texting.

2) Too often I have missed opportunities to engage with my boys. It is a weird emotional response that I want to find the root of. I love teaching and engaging and playing outside, yet when they ask me there is some weird resistance to me doing that.

3) Bread products really are not good for me. I feel sluggish and off every time I eat them. There really must be something to this gluten thing. When I have cut back on them before it really has helped with my concentration and the way I feel.