JANUARY 11, 2018

I'm trying to hold my breath
Let it stay this way
Can't let this moment end
You set off a dream with me
Getting louder now
Can you hear it echoing?...

All the shine of a thousand spotlights
All the stars we steal from the night sky
Will never be enough
Never be enough
Towers of gold are still too little
These hands could hold the world but it'll
Never be enough
Never be enough

― Loren Allred, The Greatest Showman

GENESIS 27-28

20Then Jacob made a vow, saying, “If God will be with me and will watch over me on this journey I am taking and will give me food to eat and clothes to wear 21so that I return safely to my father’s household, then the Lord^f will be my God 22and^g this stone that I have set up as a pillar will be God’s house, and of all that you give me I will give you a tenth.”(28:20-22)

MATTHEW 9:18-38

20Just then a woman who had been subject to bleeding for twelve years came up behind him and touched the edge of his cloak. 21She said to herself, “If I only touch his cloak, I will be healed.”

22Jesus turned and saw her. “Take heart, daughter,” he said, “your faith has healed you.” And the woman was healed at that moment.

JOURNAL 

Throughout the story of Jacob, my thoughts are why would God reward a lying manipulator like Jacob. In the same vein, I do not know the story of all the people he is healing in Matthew but it obviously is not because of their righteousness but rather because of their need and then their faith that Jesus can heal them.

This idea is really astounding and turns the typical idea of blessing received as a result of being earned on its head. Need and faith are really the only requirements...because that is the only thing that is a constant. God is the only consistent trustworthy thing in our lives and in this universe. Everything else is flawed, designed to fail and fall apart. 

I confess that I have hoped over the course of my life to be wrong and to find that people, success, position, power etc could be just as good as God. There have been times when things were "good" meaning I was getting a lot of affirmation, that I felt I could take a break from God. I no longer needed to cling to him so desperately, but as time passed I would always realize that nothing is better than God, his love, his purpose and following his lead. Most often that happened after whatever I was clinging to burned me or fell apart. 

When I look at the lessons from the Bible I see this over and over and over again. Jesus loved people but never needed them. Jesus was so sold out to the love of God and faith that even when he felt God had abandoned him he still persisted in trusting God and his plan. This is the whole point of the Christian faith...we can have the same relationship that Jesus had with God. We can become son's and daughters of God, but in order to do so we must turn loose of anything and everything that would take the place of God. 

22This righteousness is given through faith in^h Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference between Jew and Gentile, 23for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, 24and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.

ROMANS 3:22-24